


Coffee Shop Klutz & Extra Whip

by merthurlocked



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: And also smut, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Geraskier, HE IS, M/M, Multi, also Geralt is nice to Jaskier from the get go, because he his like that in the games and the books so suck it netflix!, because we like smut, cause we are depraved human beings, coffee shop AU, especially the old ladies, for now, i don't know how to tag so lmk if i need to add stuff, if you read that out loud it rhymes, jaskier flirts with all the customers, obligatory coffee shop au, pansexual disaster jaskier, renfri also flirts with all the sexy girls, sorry but it had to be done, there might be angst later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22938079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merthurlocked/pseuds/merthurlocked
Summary: In which our favourite talented bard, Jaskier, is a very talented barista.On one particular shift, he meets Customer!Geralt who makes him feel things no one else has managed to do thus far in his life. What continues over the next several weeks is flirty banter, built-up sexual tension and Jaskier's 99% sure his co-workers have formed a conspiracy to get them together.Oh and don't worry both Jaskier's sexy lute and Geralt's fav 'can do no wrong' horse Roach makes an appearance.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	Coffee Shop Klutz & Extra Whip

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooooo lovely readers,
> 
> I thought we needed a coffee shop au in this fandom, and tbh there probably already are some posted & out there (if so please point me in their direction, because I am sucker for them!), but I thought I should add my hot take on one (it's probably like luke-warm but still).
> 
> This is absolutely in no way based off of certain events that have happened to me, nope, not one bit, I most certainly have not flushed and turned bright red when a very attractive customer has walked in and I've had to serve them, nope, not me, wouldn't of happened. This is all on Jask,
> 
> Anyway enjoy reading :))

Jaskier was standing between the connecting archway of the back office and the start of the walkway behind the counter, fastening his green apron back around himself. He clicked the top button on his headset and immediately started talking down it,

“heeeeey guys, did you miss the sound of my voice as much I missed hearing all of yours?”

Triss turned away from the bar, hand still outstretched holding securely on to the milk pitcher currently being heated up and made sure Jaskier could see her when she rolled her eyes.

“Yes Jask, in that short, _two minute_ , toilet break you just took, we were all left wondering whether we would shrivel up and die without ever hearing your voice again”, then she promptly turned back around and flicked up the steaming handle, efficiently pouring the now extra, _extra_ hot milk into the awaiting coffee cup. Before shouting out “Grande, extra hot, dirty chai latte for Layla!”.

Jaskier smirked at her response, saying “that’s what I thought my gorgeous auburn-curled-haired-headed beauty, light of my life, wind beneath my wings, you would have surely dissolved into utter despair without hearing the lovely dulcet tones of my angelic voice ever again”.

He at this point had made it out of the archway and was now behind the counters, closer to the oven where he swiftly pulled out a tuna panini, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell it permitted. Placing it into its awaiting to-go bag, he twirled on his feet and ambled towards the end of the L shaped counter.

“Panini for-” the utter klutz that he was, he’d forgotten to read the name off the packaging before trying to hand out the food to its owner.

“Erm, tuna panini?” He looked up hopefully at the raggedy looking old man standing on the other side, but looked away again when the man shook his head in a silent no. He sighed and was just about to ask his colleagues whose name it was, when a hand crept into his view, pulling the panini with it. “Ahh here you go milady, enjoy”, Jaskier winked at the pretty girl, who smiled bashfully at him, revealing rather cute dimples, before saying her thanks and walking towards the exist.

Jaskier sighed again, although this time in _wistfulness_. His gaze lingering on the door.

“Oi Dandelion! Stop swooning over all the customers and go serve front till” Renfri, who was currently stood just two meters away at the drive-thru till and therefore, did not actually need to shout this order down the headset, glanced at Jaskier, raising a single eyebrow in the universal sign for _‘I’m not impressed right now’_ , but the slight upturn on the left side of her mouth made him think she _was_ amused.

Jaskier tipped his head ever so slightly and bent his back forward in a mock bow before saying “Yes Sir. Right away Sir. Be right there Sir” and marched the few steps towards the till, where a single customer was waiting to be served.

Renfri shook her head in amusement before picking up the drink Triss had just placed down on the drive-thru counter top, and shared a look with the auburn haired girl, both trying to hold in their laughter at Jaskier’s antics. She turned to face the open window, leaning out and handing the drink to one of their regulars.

At the front till Jaskier was finishing writing down the little symbols and codes on the white sticky slip, filling in almost every box, because _of course_ this woman needed that many add ons to her drink, before slapping it on a venti mug and passing it to Triss. She in turn pulled the slip off and placed it on the coffee machines front, before heaving her own sigh at the ridiculous order.Clearly customers were trying to test their patience today.

It was going to be a very long _and_ boring shift.

Jaskier turned back towards his customer and rang up her order, saying the customary “do you need a receipt?” and “okay, once your order is ready we’ll call out your name and it’ll be at the end of the bar” blah blah blah.

Honestly once he’d done his first few shifts the obligatory speeches got boring pretty fast. The woman who had ordered, and of course her name was Karen, because _aren’t_ _all the difficult ones named Karen?_ Moved into the cafe to sit and wait for her name to be called. He was getting pretty bored at this point and had started colouring in the little squares on the slips of paper. Normally he would fill the silence with his wonderful voice, talking non-stop (or singing) until the next customer came. But unfortunately, he couldn’t talk down the headset to Triss or Renfri, because the former was currently taking a drive-thru call, whilst simultaneously making his customer’s complicated drink.

When he turned around to see what Renfri was doing and to possibly pull a stupid face at her. He noticed that a little green-grey, battered Ford was currently parked up by the window, with a familiar, long, brown haired girl sat in the front seat. Renfri was of course leaning out the window, smiling broadly at this woman, who was gesticulating widely with her hands. Probably ranting and raving about the latest vegan product the coffee shop was currently selling. The girl sat in drive-thru was lovely, and Jaskier always had nice chats with her at the window, but she did go on about being vegan a lot. And, well, he’s only got so much patience.

Renfri on the other-hand was lapping it up. Nodding and smiling in all the right places, joining in with her own “yes it is rather tasty, they have done a good job with it, can’t even tell it’s not real cheese!”

Which, _huh,_ Jaskier knows she is lying through her teeth now because he has heard her go on rants one too many times about how stinky and unsatisfying vegan cheese was, and she had definitely _not_ tried this new food product. In fact, he’s got like five snapchats of her binning the sample she was given whilst pretending to retch from the stench of it!

He contemplates the scene before him and thinks that he may owe his boss that beer after all, because she was right as it looks like Renfri was flirting her socks off with bloody VeganGirl!

He’s grinning like a fool when he hears a throat being cleared from behind him, in a not so subtle _‘would you turn around and do your job and serve me instead of watching your damn co-workers’_ kinda way.

Jaskier speedily turns back round to face his new, glowering customer and gasps…like..an..idiot..out-loud.

Really loudly.

Like super _‘I cannot try and turn this into anything or pretend I didn’t just make that sound’_ loudly.

The very handsome man smirked at this before clearing his throat again. Jaskier hurriedly reached into his aprons pocket, pulled out a dark blue Sharpie and popped its lid off. Looking up quickly into the man’s startlingly amber coloured eyes, that, _oh my_ , had gold specs in them, and had to shake himself again before he opened his mouth and launched into his well rehearsed welcoming spiel of garbage.

And it may have well have been _actual_ garbage because he rushed the words, jumbled them together, all the while getting more and more flustered as he realised this man,

This gorgeous, tall, well muscled, (surely a long-distance relative of bloody Adonis himself?) man, was continuing to smirk at him. Like he knew, just knew that Jaskier was currently making an idiot of himself all because the guy was…well..he looked like that!

Like a Greek statue freshly carved from the grandest of all marble, like- well Jaskier could go on and on and,

_Oh._

Oh fuck no! Is that a man-bun!? Christ but he was done for!

This guys hair was a stunning shade of silvery white, and maybe on someone else it just wouldn’t work, but he had it tied up messily in a bun, and the rest of his outfit seemed to match his countenance well; black leather jacket chucked over a well-worn looking t-shirt that had a faded Eagles Album cover on it _(and could Jask be any more in love?)_. From the waist down, he looked to be wearing some simple faded black jeans that seemed to fit rather snugly in all the right places, and he couldn’t see the shoes, but he was willing to bet on some sort of black pointed boot.

And shit, how long has Jaskier been staring and not talking and..huh…

…could it be that the man’s staring right back?

Is it angry? Amused? Bored? _Interested?_

Does Jaskier have time to ponder this?

Not really no. Because another customer was joining the line, and upon looking back at man-bun guy, well he looked like he was verging into annoyance now, and that just won’t do. So, Jaskier asked again, more clearly,

“What drink can I get for you today?”, and okay damn, his voice was still slightly higher than normal, but at least his flushed cheeks were calming down.

The man let out a breath of air, which could have been a huff of laughter? _Maybe?_ Then he started to speak, and dear God’s, if Jaskier thought the guy sexy before, he thought him absolutely _tantalising_ now!

His voice was deep and gravely, and he looked to be in his late twenties, and he had no right to be this god damn good-looking, accompanied with his very pornographic sounding voice!

“I’ll have a Grande Americano, black please”, Jaskier scrambled to grab the right size paper cup, before scribbling a B and A in the right boxes. He glanced back up at the man, who was watching his long fingers and hands fairly intently on the cup.

“And what was the name sorry?” Normally, he couldn’t give a flaming rats arse about a name, but right now, he was delighted that this silly company policy was in place. Because boy did Jaskier want to know who this man was and what he was called.

“It’s Geralt” he stated, and then quickly added “and it doesn’t have a letter D before you write that”, Geralt finished, raising one neatly groomed eyebrow at him.

“Why would I write that? What Coffee Shops are you frequenting that don’t know how to spell your name?” Jaskier asked a bit confused. He was also maybe thinking about how Geralt sounded ~~(and tasted)~~ on his tongue and came to the quick conclusion that he loved it.

“Hmm. You’d be surprised at how often they do, some of them don’t even sound close to what I say” Geralt smiled lightly, which only turned bigger as Jaskier flipped the cup round and showed, in his now perfectly, neat handwriting, Geralt’s name in blocked letters. He had also added a tiny flower beside the T. _(Which may or may not have been a Dandelion)._

Which come to think of it, was a bit silly for a twenty-two year old man to put on a fellow twenty-something year old customers coffee cup, but hey his hand did it, not him, and he has no control over his hand, no siree!

Okay maybe he just wanted to pimp up the name a bit, make it look nice on the cup, and try and get his Adonis looking customer to smile his lovely smile again. (Hey it could work, you can stop laughing at me now Triss).

And it did. _Work_ that is.

Because the guy is kind of grinning now as Jaskier hands the coffee cup into the awaiting hands of Triss, and _absolutely_ ducks away from her mocking face, before continuing his conversation.

“I’d love to ask you what else they’ve written, but by the looks of it, it could be a long list and I unfortunately have a line forming”, he says the latter a bit quietly, whilst raising both eyebrows waggling them, making the man huff out another breath of what could be laughter.

 _Or easily an attempt at a cough._ Jaskier doesn’t know.

“Well another time then”, and after pressing his card down on the card machine’s face, waiting for the beep to confirm his contactless payment had gone through. He tucks it back in his wallet, gives Jaskier what might be a once-over but could also just have been a twitch in the guys eyes. Or just Jaskiers’ imagination, the lighting tricking him into seeing what he _wants_ to see. Then promptly moves away from the till and towards the other end of the counter to where his drink awaits.

Jaskier watches the guy pick the drink up, lift it to his lips, pause and blow out air to cool it down, before taking _like three big gulps_, all in one go. And Jaskier’s kind of horrified now because he knows how hot an Americano is, especially one that’s black and not had milk put in it, and he’s waiting for any sign of discomfort or a grimace.

But Geralt lets out a content little sigh, _(which dear God have mercy on Jaskiers’ poor soul!)_ nods his approval at Triss, starts walking towards the door, looks back a little and sees Jaskiers’ mouth hanging open, and his eyes are freaking shining now.

Shinning with mirth and laughter. _Laughter at Jaskier._

Then he turns and goes and Jaskier gapes after the door, wanting to pinch himself to figure out if that was real or not but then,

“Now dear, I know that man was a handsome man indeed, but really boy, I am your customer too, and I would very much like to have some tea with my friend and discuss with her the lovely shape of that man’s bottom, but I cannot do that if you’re stood there gawping after him like a fish out of water”, the rather small doddery old woman exclaimed.

Jaskier, shut his mouth, looked down ever so slightly to glance at the elderly lady and replied with “Yes Margery, I’ll get your tea sorted for you now…you know you’re my number one gal first and foremost right?” he winked at her, causing the lady to huff and roll her eyes at him.

“Oh hush now, silly boy”, she said, whilst Jaskier plopped down a tray with two mugs and a now steaming tea pot, with a small jug of milk to the side of it. “If you can spare five minutes, Rona and I will be discussing the handsome mans loveliest features and you’re welcome to join” and with that she winked at him and left to go find her friend.

Jaskier shook his head. He was wrong about the day.

Today was a very good day indeed. And Margery was right, Geralt’s bottom was rather lovely,

So lovely in fact, he was absolutely _not_ thinking about how much he was dying to rub some chamomile oil all over it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks if any of you read,
> 
> It's going to be chaptered dw, just need to get some work finished before I can continue this piece of writing, but I have plans and more characters to introduce (yes that means Yen and yes that means Ciri).
> 
> Love to y'all, Kudos and Comments make my heart bleed, 
> 
> But like in a good way ya know? Like its crying but crying happy tears of blood.


End file.
